My Perfect Children

This post has been lingering in and out of my brain for a while. Seems that I want to share it and then things come up, so I don't, and then something happens to remind me that I wanted to get this out. So, here goes.

This post is about my children. My amazing, perfect children. The ones who do everything right...

Wait. You know us? You've seen my children when they weren't perfect? You dare to tell me that I don't have perfect children?


Well, let's be honest. So do I.

How do I know that my children aren't perfect? Because I live with them. I know what I need to do to stop arguments before they start. I also know when nothing I say will keep one of them quite if they are in a bad mood.

I am completely NOT surprised when the following occurs: Alan is passing the sacrament. Caroline is screaming. So I take her out, reminding the older 3 children to behave. By mid-sacrament, World War III is occurring on our bench. And the weapon of choice is a hymn book. Before I'm even told what the problem was and how it started, I know. I know exactly who started it and who stepped in to stop it and who got mad at that and turned his/her aggression onto that child. So that in the end, the child who started it was innocently sitting by looking perplexed at the casualties.

Remember, we live in the same house. I AM their mother. I do this full-time. Not much whining goes un-listened to, although it might go un-responded to. I know when one of my children fakes a tummy-ache to get out of chores. I might not address the action with you right there, and I might not address it at all. But I know it occurs.

An amazing couple of friends taught me some lessons along the way of life. When I used to watch other people's children, and they would come to pick them up, I would tell them all that happened. The good and the bad. But what my two friends would each do, was tell me ONLY the good things when I would pick up my children from their house (with very few exceptions.) I would find out later as the children tattled on each other that there was fighting and other undesirable behavior that went on, but I rarely heard it from my friends. And I felt safe leaving my children with them.

These same two women took special care to build relationships with my children. REAL relationships. Here is an instance from a few years ago:

Sarah had run for class Mayor in school. Her best friend had promised to help her campaign and get people to vote for her. But then decided to jump ship to help someone else. The next friend who helped her campaign, told her after the votes that she actually voted for someone else because she liked their speech better.

When Sarah came home, she was devastated. She had lost and was sure she only got one vote. I tried to help her logically think about things all afternoon. But she was crushed and wouldn't listen to me. And then my amazing friend came over. She had worked hard at building a relationship with Sarah, and Sarah looked up to her a lot. It took exactly 3 sentences for her to convince Sarah that she probably only lost by a couple of votes. And life was good again. Thank goodness for this amazing woman.


The second woman was a piano teacher to Joseph. When we moved, she wrote him a letter letting him know how much she appreciated him. He still has that letter. I throw things away. Lots of things. But this boy won't let me touch this letter. Because he felt her love and concern, not only in piano, but in life. Again, thank goodness for women who have interest in being part of the village that raises my children.


So here's what it comes down to: I don't want to have to defend my children against all the reasoning in your mind that you have to dislike them. I do not want you to try to convince me that they aren't perfect. I don't want to hear about how they are stubborn, or wouldn't do exactly what you said. They respond to loving adults who genuinely care for them. They don't like to be brushed into the corner and treated as second class citizens. They are intelligent people. Talk with them! Build a relationship with them. And when you hear a good zing that Sarah says, or see something funny Joseph does, or notice just how OCD Caleb seems to be sometimes (in an entertaining way), or discover that Caroline is the most entertaining child you've ever seen, feel free to share it with me. It helps me remember some of the simple joys of being a mother. And when you do, I will say a silent prayer thanking Heavenly Father for your love and concern for these precious children whom He has placed in my care.